A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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