the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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