well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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