Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
