I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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