whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
