Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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