i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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