I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize