she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pooping to opera.
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