apparently the secret to your success is patron
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
