thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
