my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize