I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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