Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
40s are totally the cure
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
