i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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