Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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