2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
