did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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