I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
