he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
