Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
