Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
