Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
