The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it penis luge time yet?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
