I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
