I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
