im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
