So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
