I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
