I wish I could teleport
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
