We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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