I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
