She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
