I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
