So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
