So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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