if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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