Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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