If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think my moral compass just broke
there is glitter all over my balls
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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