3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
