textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
