make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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