You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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