last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
