shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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