May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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