so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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