I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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