Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize