singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
