She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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