We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
