I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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