you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
