I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
