I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
