i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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