a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
