that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
