Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
