By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
