I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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