Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
